im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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