Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
