Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
