Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
