kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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