I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
