words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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