this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
