i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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