Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
