i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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