I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize