You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
