you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
