We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
