I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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