he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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