The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
