Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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