I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
