my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
