I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
