I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
