I think scott just propositioned me for sex
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
