do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
