I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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