we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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