Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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