he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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