I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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