Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
