There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
