1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have tasted many bathrooms
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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