we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
