we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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