How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
