Kiss
Puke
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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