How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
