During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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