I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
