this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
