I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
