So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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