Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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