My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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