My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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