Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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