well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Its about making memories worth repressing
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
