Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
