Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
