# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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