My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
