Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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