I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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