When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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