I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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