Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
