he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
