well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
